Ring, ring, ring! Blue Prince! Blue Prince? Does anyone have Blue Prince? I had never heard of this game until about a month ago, but now it's everywhere. Suddenly everyone is like white rice. It is the next coming of the Messiah. All of a sudden it is now the highest rated game of the year. Am I supposed to believe it is this good?
I don't remember ever watching a never-ending series of expensive trailers. And I certainly do not Remember a movie star reading the wrong words from a prompter at a video game awards ceremony telling me how good it was going to be. I just knew I should have taken this game on faith damn it I did. And you know what? I really dislike Blue Prince. I hate it because of what it did to me.
Blue Prince Conceals Its Clever Premise
I don’t like that Blue Prince makes me go so slowly. Sorry, I thought the goal was just to place cute little tiles and build my way to the winning room. There’s a hallway, a kitchen, and then I’d finally get to the big lucky room at the top to win the game. But of course, the opening voice of your weird uncle telling you that you'll inherit his mansion if you reach the horrifying 46th room is a blurry curtain.
No, we can not have a simple deck builder where I build rooms just to get a little bit of dopamine. I have to be careful. I have to look at the big picture and calculate how likely it is that I'll draft one toilet and hit another locked toilet. I have to backtrack and try to use old doors to avoid wasting keys before I have enough supplies.
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I have to plan and the worst part is that I have to think and the worst part is that I have to remember what I was thinking before. I hate that what could have been a simple drafting board game turns out to be much deeper than what I was first told.
Blue Prince Is So Clever It Makes Me Feel Stupid
Speaking of which, I hate that this game forces me to investigate every room like I'm a detective looking for my son's dead body. Instead of just placing a tile and walking through it and enjoying the scenery, I have to move around. I have to look between beds and tables. And no! This can't just be a one-time thing, right? The mansion has to change rooms every time. Great. Sometimes the room has a magnifying mirror! Sometimes it doesn't.
It seems like every time I have to play this stupid game, I have to pay as much attention as possible to things that could be hidden in the obvious, while also not getting complacent and missing anything. But I like the satisfaction! I just hate picking up a scribbled note for the fifth time and then using my magnifying glass to figure out a big clue by looking at something in the corner. And I hate that it's a fairly straightforward method, with no hints given to me, forcing me to solve everything by trial and error.
Oh, and I hate that I have to take notes because I'm expected to do the heavy mental work here. I hate that there's no automatic diary that tells me which path to take and which room contains the puzzle I need to solve and why. Am I supposed to figure out the date by remembering the clue from the previous room that I no longer have? Do I have to solve a new math problem in my head every time I enter the billiards room? Why can't the game give it to me? Instead, I have to take screenshots and keep track of every possible clue.
The Blue Prince Makes You Work Hard for Success
It's like I'm having to solve the puzzles without any help! By myself! I can't even get angry and click on the icon that tells me what to do. I'd really like a companion who is useless in any way except for being able to provide a solution if I don't get it right on the first try. There's nothing worse than getting frustrated with a dead end and then realizing after trying three times I don't know what I need to do to solve it. I hate that I start a new run as soon as the previous one ends, because I feel like I'm close to breaking something.
Oh my god, can we talk about how much I hate the way I have to play through it over and over again to solve the story? Some games delight in telling you what's happening! A big wall of explicit text! A detached narrator commenting on everything! Not The Blue Prince, though! No, sir! This game is huge and I'm going to have to dig through letters, newspapers, and a little time to understand it.
What's worse is that it's in bad shape! Yes, my closest friend in this game is a fortune telling machine that I hate because it tells me things that I only understand much later. And I didn't even find the fortune telling machine until a few hours ago, because this game just stops you.
Every time I think I know what the story of this game is some weird new twist comes up. I thought I was a kid getting a nice little house but I guess there's also an epic tale of betrayal and revolution? Is that a button that works in the garage? I am wondering if I have to turn on the power in the breaker room. Now come back.
The Blue Prince A Game Like No Other
I'm so tired of this game because it keeps reminding me of the best parts of every era of gaming. It is too bad that it feels like Myst is being rediscovered. It is a amazing that this is the experience of playing Gone Home for the first time. It's a shame for the game that its deck mechanics freaked me out the same way Slay the Spire initially did. I thought we'd deal with this ridiculous nonsense after Baltro?
I thought we agreed that this was a one time thing. But now it seems like everything else on my list has been pushed back because they freak me out the same way seeing Alone in the Dark did when I was a kid. It is a too many games in one game. Every game should be a game based on Wario or, at most, a collection of micro mini games.
For no reason at all it is also pretty stupid that the game is already on Game Pass and PlayStation Plus. I would have eventually bought it on Steam, but I guess this game is so bad they're giving it away for free on consoles! Losers! Anyone can play it now. You too, if you feel like playing a stupid game for several days and bragging to anyone willing to listen about how you've hoarded up your gold and gems.
I could have won at least two more games in the time I lost Blue Prince these two games would have been ones I would have had to spend real money on. No. I robbed these idiots by downloading it on both Xbox and PS5. Try to stop me cowards But, I hate that they made this game as easy to play as possible. It is a sign of weakness. A real winner would have been released only on the Epic Games Store, so I didn't know it existed for months.
I am so glad I do not review games because if I did man I'd drop this game's Metacritic average like a stone in water. Or like water in a mansion's fountain when I discover there's a basement I can open if I find the right key. I don't want to undermine anyone's hard work but what did they think when they told me to dig through every room to find a place to run because I just did not want to stop running? It's like they do not even care that I have chores to do projects to complete and other games to play.
Oh you should enjoy playing this over and over again because the experience will get deeper and more interesting Listen to yourself. I hate it. And I also hate that it has taken over my life.
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